My love affair with fashion began when I was 11 years old. We were on the way to my brother's basketball game and stopped by a store. While I was waiting on my mom, I noticed a magazine with a beautiful girl dressed in a gorgeous, formal dress. It was a prom magazine- the first one I had ever seen. My mom saw me eyeing it and kindly bought it to entertain me during the games later that night.
My brother's team was the last to play, but my mom was the official scorekeeper for both JV teams and Varsity teams. So while I sat waiting for my brother's game to start, I started flipping through the magazine! It was love at first sight!!! Page after page of frilly dresses- pastel creations that seemed to flout like soft clouds around the ankles of the models, dramatic satin numbers that were entirely too mature for high school proms, and sleek, long gowns covered with sequins! Thousands and thousands of sequins!!! (After all, it was still the 90's! lol)
As I turned every page and drank in all the "beautiful" gowns, I begin to dream of my own prom and wondered what my dress would look like on that one magical night. I was only 11, but I had everything planned. I wanted a classic black satin gown, my hair piled on my head with loose curls, huge high heels and of course Leonardo DiCaprio for my date. *sigh*
Whenever I could, I bought more prom magazines. I collected them and kept them in a box beside my bed. I would look at the same ones over and over again! I had every page memorized, with all my favorites circled and marked. Soon I started drawing my own dresses, looking to the magazines for inspiration. I had so much fun sketching my ideas and dreaming about creating such glamorous dresses. It gave me hours of entertainment! :)
Soon my magazine obsession led me to "Seventeen". I was in heaven! I had never read fashion magazines before and was amazed at the pages of trendy and somewhat insane outfits! The fascination led me to one astounding revelation... I was ready to start growing up.
Perhaps that doesn't sound so amazing to you, but believe me... I was not a normal kid. I grew up wanting to be just like my brother! He was my hero and idol. Where I was extremely shy and backwards, he was outgoing and popular. Where I hung back in crowds, he was confident and always the center of attention. Where I was quiet (and shall we just say it... a bit boring!), he was funny and always making people laugh. We grew up on 10 acres in Georgia and had no neighbors until I was in my late teens. Therefore my brother wasn't just my hero, he was my playmate and best friend. My childhood consisted of blowing up GI Joes and pretending to sword fight with sticks. All of these things combined made for one thing- I did not want to grow up, change, leave my fun childhood behind, be girly, wear makeup or do anything of which I thought my brother (or parents!)would possibly disapprove. I was comfortable. I was happy. I knew childhood wouldn't last forever and I didn't want to do anything that might speed the process along.
Example... imagine a 12 year old girl sitting on the side of the tub with her mom, shaving her legs for the first time, and... crying. Yes. I said crying. When my mom finally made me start shaving, I felt so silly, so out of my comfort zone, so (I still dread the words!) GROWN-UP. Even at that young age, I sensed things were changing and I did not approve! Therefore I bawled like a baby when she broke out the razor.
However, my magazines opened up a world of fun, fashion and teen years. A place where it was ok to play baseball AND wear makeup. A place where I could dress in camo and pretend to be a soldier but still tie my hair in a ribbon. My magazines gave me a push into the "adult" world and gave me the courage to be the person I wanted to be... a tough girl with a feminine side!
It was a slow process! I finally worked up the nerve to ask my mom for face powder when I was 13. I was around 17 when I finally started wearing mascara. It wasn't until my 20's that I got my first highlites.
Now, no one could accuse me of being tomboyish and not girly. I love all things glam and gaudy! Nothing beats feeling pretty and feminine! But this comfortable feeling of being "me" took time.
I've decided I don't like labels. I'm not a tomboy. I'm not high maintenance. I'm not preppy or bohemian. I'm not glam or grunge. I'm not modern. I'm not vintage. I'm just me... Amy. I'm a unique and complicated individual with a unique style to match. Learning how to be comfortable with myself makes me feel proud... and on a side note, it makes my brother proud too.
Those prom magazines turned my life around as it happens. (Many thanks to my mom for buying it for me so long ago!) I now admit freely that I love fashion and clothes! I'm obsessed with jewelry and accessories. I take joy in being feminine. I have more fashion magazines that everyone in my neighborhood combined! In my free time, I still enjoy sketching out my designs and dreaming about the day I can wear them. I still like sports, I still dress up in camo to play paintball, and I still love hanging out with my brother. But I don't feel the need to fit into a mold to meet other people's expectations. I am a melting pot of ideas and beliefs and thoughts- and my wardrobe reflects that!!!
And to think... it started with just one magazine! :)
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